In the final episode of season 1, The Chorus describes more about the group that plays the ‘game’, and suggests a new way of recognizing who is in the game and who is not. They point out that our growing understanding of what we do – subconsciously – when we meet others, is an indication of our awakening. Katie shares more about her journey and her encounters, suggesting that the human experience of what The Chorus is describing is better known to us as…family.
In case you are looking for an editor for a spiritual, channeled or otherwise unusual story, perhaps consider Un-Settling Books, the editing group we used for our self-published book.
Welcome back, everyone.
I was just in the kitchen making a cup of tea and a smoothie, because I put the hot and the cold together, so I don’t freeze. Drink smoothie, drink hot tea. Anyways, I was in the kitchen, and I was remembering when I had to stay with my parents when I got sick, when I collapsed.
You know, if you’ve listened to some of these episodes, a little bit about my journey. And so I was already very much an adult woman when I got sick and collapsed. And my parents offered to help take care of me for a little while, so that my husband could focus on caring for our son.
So I couldn’t really do much. When I stayed with them, I was having a hard time forming words, and walking and holding things. And so at breakfast, we would find our way downstairs into the kitchen. And they would sit me at the counter, like a child, while they would make breakfast and bustle around the kitchen and cook things up and make us all food.
Now, by this time in my life, I had a house and a family and I’d been living on my own for quite some time. So it was a really strange experience to be back in a kitchen with them. And not only that, but kind of unable to help. Like a child.
And most every morning they would cook omelets. I didn’t know until I sat in their kitchen and watch them bustle round and do it in their way that I had such a particular way of preferring omelets.
But I was so appreciative of their support and how much they were helping me that when they said “do you like it this way or this way? Or this way or this way?” I would just say, “however you guys like to do your omelets is fine with me.”
Which turned out to be not at all like how I liked my omelets.
And I sort of observed myself over these days about how in the beginning I would just sort of cringe every time they would chop something in a different way, or put different ingredients together than the way that I would, or…it was a sort of like wince a little bit as if, as if it was so wrong or it would turn out so wrong that I had to stop it. But I couldn’t. I could barely move. I just sat there and watched and appreciated.
But the first omelet wasn’t so bad. And the next time we had omelets it was pretty good. And the third omelet I really looked forward to.
And what I realized as I sat there each day, watching them cook breakfast, is that I moved from evaluating how they were cooking the omelet to seeing more of them
The way they would talk, the way they would move around, the way they put their tea bags into their cup. The way my dad always fries the ham before he puts the ham in the omelet. The way he would put the glass lid on to melt the cheese in just the right way. The way my mom slices the tops off of cherry tomatoes. Like as if they were real tomatoes. She takes every little cherry tomato slices off the top.
Things that maybe I had missed entirely…became tiny treasures, cherished moments. They were all little things that added to the ways in which I loved them.
And having an omelet made for me, became less about whether or not it was made correctly. And more just a miracle that there were two people who loved me so much that they would gladly make me one.
What’s the difference between what we see when we are judging and when we are loving?
It sounds like a platitude. It sounds like something we could just easily ask all the time. Oh, sure, we’ll see different things.
But if you stop and think about it for a while, the differences between those two things can be staggering.
The difference between what we see in our lives when we are looking at it through a lens of analysis and when we are looking at it through a lens of love, could add up to be the difference between two totally different worlds.
This episode is the season finale. I feel like I should tell you that because when I watch a show, and I’m continuing on in my episodes, and I get to an episode where there are suddenly just too many plot twists. Too many things happening in one episode. I have that feeling of dread of “oh no. This is the last one, isn’t it?
And you sort of go back to your episode list. It’s like, “no, it is!”
So to avoid that moment for you, should you start to feel it through this episode, this is the last one that season one.
Figured I let you know right off the bat so there’s no surprises.
And also that we will be back in the future with Season Two. There’s more to come. As The Chorus says, “this is just a beginning.”
In today’s episode, The Chorus and I explore this difference between what we see, and what we don’t, when we love, and when we don’t. And how that served us in our experience of limitation here.
In the first part of the episode, you’ll hear directly from The Chorus themselves and then afterwards we will discuss.
For wherever you go, and whatever you do, between now and when we speak again, I hope you love it all.
[Starts at 9:04]
Your humanity, your species, your group, however, it is that you like to define it, has been a collective, has been in agreement about what was to be accomplished here, why you came here, and all the things that you would achieve by being here together.
It is fascinating for us that your kind has had, and held, so many beliefs about help as we have discussed, about isolation and loneliness, as we have discussed, and yet fundamentally, your presence here, in what we lovingly call the game has been based upon agreement. Has been based upon teamwork, we could say.
But how far does this team extend?
For you, in your current perspective, perhaps might define a human by way of now what you understand to be, from our perspective, the mind-body instrument, your physical form. From your five senses perspective, you look out into the world and you see physical formats that look like yours, a humanoid, within head, and arms and legs.
But you also see other physical formats, which seem less like yours. An insect, perhaps, or a dolphin, or a lion, or a bird.
As we have suggested, the more your kind expands into an energetic understanding of what you are, and what you have agreed to, you might find that those things underlie a great many more beings than you had allowed yourselves to perceive.
For though the physical formats may look different to you, on the five senses frequencies, to us, your energetic resonance is largely the same.
You all agreed to a physical existence, to walking around on planet Earth, to needing to eat, to drink, to do things to survive in your physical formats. To limit the ways in which you could communicate with each other, see each other, hear each other. To us, there is a great deal of similarities between what you might call very different physical formats.
And here, Beloved Ones, we must tell you that that agreement extends perhaps farther than many of you had yet realized.
That there are many kinds of beings that your kind, as you would call it, your humankind has begun to encounter. Perhaps you might call them angels. Perhaps you might call them spirits, or sprites. Perhaps you might call them extraterrestrials. And yet, your ability to see each other on the wavelengths of visible light, to us, indicates something very important.
You had all agreed to play the game.
As is often the case, when we talk about energy, and all the things that swirl around you in your days, these things are continuums, from our vantage point. Meaning they are all connected, and they are all fluid. And therefore, where you choose to draw a line between this thing and that thing is up to you.
There are beings who are just ever so slightly beyond the frequencies of your game, who perhaps you had not quite been able to see on the wavelengths of visible light, but have somehow begun to recognize a presence that is about you, in your days. Would you consider these players of your game or not? That is up to you.
But perhaps by beginning to understand the energetic basis of what you each are, you will start to see beyond what your eyesight had allowed you to perceive. Your perceptions will grow. And from that place of perceiving more, you will begin to understand more about yourself, and what you agreed to here, and in that way connect to more and different beings.
Humans have a concept today that they would call first impressions.
We find this concept quite intriguing. Because, for the most part, your first impressions of another human, classically defined, are typically driven by your beliefs. Your subconscious ideas of people form, often unconsciously, the way in which you perceive others.
Therefore, your idea of a first impression is a very interesting indication of your awakening, that you understand that something important happens by way of your judgments in the first several moments of meeting another, as opposed to the countless millennia, in which you never realized that this was happening at all.
Does it always have to be this way? Will there always be subconscious beliefs, forming your experience of another as you meet them?
We would like to suggest that you are perhaps already moving beyond the subconscious actions of these beliefs, which is why you are here, you are wondering about these things, and you are learning new and different perspectives on what you experienced here.
And we would suggest that by the time you begin to meet more openly, more evidently, more concretely, these other beings, that you will have moved beyond the limits of these beliefs. And your first impressions will transform into a present moment presence of receiving the energy and the identity, a deep knowing, of all that that other being is because you have expanded into an understanding of all that you are.
WE LOVE YOU infinitely. And we think that humanity makes a powerful first impression.
Discussion With Katie
[Starts at 18:26]
Somehow, a part of me knows that I just recorded the season finale.
I wish I could bottle it up. I wish I could express that feeling to you. How do you know something like that? It just, I don’t know, it starts, it starts inside of me.
It’s not a thought.
It’s not in my head. It’s a feeling. It’s a quality that sort of resonates somewhere around my chest area, I guess you could say if you wanted to get really specific?
For a couple of weeks now I’ve been wondering when I would get there. And this question kept popping up about the season finale. How many more episodes? What feels right? When is it complete?
And I gave myself a mental answer, which I now feel very viscerally – these were thoughts. Thoughts about everything else that’s been going on and about deadlines and publishing the book and how many more episodes would make sense and the end of the calendar year and…
Thoughts. All just thoughts.
And then today felt like a great day to record something from them. And I sat down and I said the words and within seconds of having said the last word, I knew. That was it. I didn’t know when I started, I didn’t know when I turned on the mic. I didn’t know it as I was channeling them. But once the message was complete, and the final echoes had sort of moved out of me, I knew.
You might have sensed in their message today that it was a bit of a culmination of everything that they’ve been talking about. In all of these episodes, they’ve been building to this, they’ve been building to this understanding. And what might have felt like a winding path through beliefs, and emotions, and how we learn and why we get angry, and the mind body instrument and our consciousness, it might have felt very meandering…
I think as their message today starts to sink in, you will begin to see how every piece of the path that they have laid down up till this episode was utilized in that message.
And I know, you’ll feel this one day because I know what it took for you to get here.
I know what this frequency represents. I know the questions you’ve already started asking. I know, the sharp turns your life path is probably already taken. I know the loss, the losses you’ve likely suffered, whether in relationships or just security or just feeling like you knew what the hell you were doing. And then suddenly, you’re not so sure. (Speaking from personal experience.)
But we made it…Are making it, I don’t know (chuckles).
We made it to this point in our awakening. And I know that because that message was a message of love, was a message of unity, was a message of expansiveness, that I know that at least I, even a few years ago, could not completely have comprehended.
And now, more than just being an amazing possibility, it feels like it actually makes a lot of sense.
The Chorus today started by asking some important questions about the gameboard.
And if you listen carefully, they mixed in some pretty staggering claims. Which if you didn’t quite catch on the first listen, I can understand because that was a pretty expansive frequency. That was a next ladder rung on the Path of Awakening. But we’ll get there. So they started by asking, “where does the game board end?”
Seems like a weird question, because they’ve spent the last many weeks explaining to us their concept of a gameboard, of our reality here, and how this all works – all our beliefs, which construct the reality billions of times per second and how we energize those things by resonating with a frequency that they call the frequencies of disallowance, which give us the perception of disallowing energy. And then they wrap up today in the season finale, by asking us, “where does the game board begin? And where does it end?”
And then after they talked about that, for a few minutes, they brought up the human experience or the human concept of first impressions.
That we are coming to a point of being aware of the way in which we subconsciously, very rapidly form impressions or judgments or opinions of each other, very soon after having met another. Now what the hell does that have to do with the game board?
As usual, when they mash things together, there is a purpose, there is a connection that they see that we from our human perspectives might need a minute to catch on to.
So I’ll tell you what I heard. And, and really what brought me to tears as I finished recording that.
I heard the human experience of family.
Are you feeling a little lost?
It’s okay. We’re gonna get there.
Should we give it one final hurrah for season one?
All right, let’s do this.
So let’s start with first impressions, because I think out of all the topics that they laid down today, this one is the easiest for us to relate to, to connect to. So let’s say that you and I are going to meet for the very first time and The Chorus has come to watch this human experience of meeting another human. And you walk into the room. And I am sitting at my desk and I stand up and I say, “Hi.”
And you say, “Hi, Katie. I’m so and so. It’s nice to meet you.”
And I say, “it’s nice to meet you, too.” And I shake your hand.
And The Chorus says, “okay, what just happened for you?”
And I say, “well, not a whole lot! I just had someone walk into my office, and I stood up to greet them.”
And The Chorus would say, “well, we know that you know, by now, a little more happened than that.”
And I would say, “okay, you’re right.”
Now, we’re sort of aware of the fact that when somebody walks in, or when we meet them for the first time, we’re probably judging them in the background. Even if I’m not consciously aware of the ways in which I’m judging you, as you come in, we suspect or we know, or we’ve studied, or we’ve discovered the fact that we have beliefs, we have mental frameworks that are acting in the background, that are telling me what I should think of you.
So for example, let’s say you walk in and you have short hair. Somewhere in the background, I have a belief, can have a belief, that says, “oh, we’ve met people with short hair before. We know what this person’s like.”
Or let’s say you’re wearing a certain kind of pant, or a certain kind of shoe, or anything that I can perceive on the wavelengths of visible light. And somewhere active in my subconscious are beliefs that are saying, “we’ve met people with those kinds of pants before. We know what this person is like.”
We experience this today very viscerally in the experience of job interviews. How much time do we spend on controlling the image that we present to the person interviewing us when we apply for a job? It’s not even just about the outfit, although that is a big part of it. What should you wear to a job interview? It’s everything in your behavior, your tone of voice, the questions you think to ask, how you respond – it’s all the things that you’re trying to present to this other person in order to gain their approval.
We do this because in the five senses world, we know it makes a difference.
If you show up for a job interview, looking like you just rolled out of bed, you know that that will cause an effect in the other person’s opinions of you. And that opinion, in the job interview situation, may not be the opinion you want them to hold of you, which is this person can’t get out of bed on time to even get dressed for a job interview, or this person seems like they might be very unreliable.
Now, it does not necessarily mean – we know this now – that just because you look like you just rolled out of bed that you actually did. But we are all well aware of this thing that happens as we encounter each other, that there are judgments flying around all over the place.
And so we would say, “okay, Chorus you’re right. We agree. We agree that we’re becoming conscious of this, or we are conscious of this, in many degrees. We understand what a first impression is. We understand that, that the judgments, the opinions, that are forming in those moments are real. That it’s, that it’s happening.
And as The Chorus expressed today, this is an indication of our awakening, because for a very long time, when we met other people, we didn’t know this was happening.
And now as we’re beginning to awaken, over whatever time period you’d like to think of that we’ve been awakening during, now that we’ve begun to awaken, we’re more aware of this activity.
And The Chorus is saying, “yes. You’re becoming aware of your belief system complex. You’re becoming aware of this engine that you all created. And one of the first expressions of this is the concept that you have of a first impression, in which unbeknownst to you, most often or until recently, you were forming opinions of the other person, and acting upon those opinions, without really knowing it.”
Okay, but you know by now in the season, that The Chorus is also saying something else. There is a “and also” coming our way…
So, yes, from the five senses perspective, this is happening and it has an impact. And also, The Chorus is pointing out something else. Another very interesting aspect of first impressions and this concept, from their larger, energetic perspective.
Energetically in the place where The Chorus hangs out, how do you think first impressions would go?
If you’ve listened to some of the other episodes in this season, you might recall that we talked about that when energetic beings connect, there is often an instant download, of everything that you are, that you have been, that you are resonant with. It’s complete. In a way that’s practically impossible for us to imagine.
When I first began connecting with The Chorus, with all the energetic beings in The Chorus, in an instant of my ability to energetically connect to them, they knew everything. They knew human existence, they understood our reality. They, they knew so much more than even I knew about myself, consciously, in that moment. They knew me, and my personality, and my beliefs, and everything I was struggling with in that moment. But they also saw everything I was resonant with.
When we humans meet each other, we don’t get any of that.
I basically have the opportunity to know you, by the way you look and the way you sound. And, and not even a glimpse of the way you look over all periods of time. I mean, we have crunched all of this down, everything that the other person is into two very, very specific and limited wavelengths. And we’ve crunched it down into a point in time.
So I don’t get to see how you look over your entire lifetime in that moment, I get to see how you look specifically in that minute. And I don’t get to hear your voice over all the different days and experiences that you’ve had throughout your whole lifetime. I hear your voice in that second. And all I get to hear is a handful of words. “Hi, Katie. It’s nice to meet you. I’m so and so.”
Now, this makes sense to us on many levels, because we say, “yeah, it’s hard to really get a sense of someone when you first meet them.”
And The Chorus is saying, “exactly. You all are completely capable of doing the instant, energetic download thing. But you created a colossal machine, a vast, incredible masterpiece that prevents you from perceiving more of the Infinite, more of anything that’s not on the game board.”
And so when that person walks in, and they’re new, they’re new to you and your recollection of this lifetime and everything that you’re conscious of. It’s a new person. Our machine, our belief systems, go into overdrive, to prevent us from seeing that person as anything different than a nice, slightly new, slightly nuanced version of all the other people we have already met.
It takes time, in our reality, doesn’t it?
It takes time to get to know people. It takes time to understand more about who they are, and what makes them special and different and unique. And as we are discovering lately, it takes time to allow for a different impression to come in, than what your beliefs might otherwise have told you was true about that person.
Unconscious bias is a expanded understanding of this idea of first impressions.
That we have beliefs that are activated in the background, that are causing us to believe certain things, and take actions as a result of those beliefs, based upon these judgments that are happening without our conscious awareness. This is an aspect of awakening. One of the many in which we’re becoming aware of these beliefs, and what they’ve done all these many millennia.
Now being humans, and in the five senses world, there’s a part of us that wants to tackle that to the ground. To stop it, to prevent it, to get rid of it. That we want to disassemble and undo all of those beliefs that we hold or that we suspect we hold. But we’re not even sure how to name them all. Or to find them all. Sometimes they keep cropping up in unexpected ways.
And from the five senses world, that is a valid perspective.
But also, from another equally valid perspective, there might be another way to sort of move past this engine of beliefs, and biases and judgments. And to maybe reach an understanding, to be able to see other people, truly, and purely and infinitely.
Early on in my awakening, about a year into getting sick, I started to recognize that I was just not able to hold up a full time job in the way that I could before. So I started looking around for part time work, in order to leave my sort of pressure cooker tech position. And as I started to look around, I really asked myself the question of what would I love to do? If I’m going to have to make a big change, and maybe even take a different position in order to work part time, what could I do next?
And in that moment, I realized that I had always loved aerospace. I had always loved the topics of space and space travel. But I had always counted myself out.
And as probably was indicative already, at that time, of my awakening, suddenly I recognized those beliefs – that I had always assumed I just wasn’t smart enough or wasn’t capable enough to work in aerospace. And now I saw those things. And they seemed a little silly. It seemed like I had done a lot of things and I had a lot of skill sets. And if someone needed those things in aerospace, then that would just work out.
It became less about my worth, and my worthiness and if I could, and just more a matter of fit.
As often happens in awakening once you begin to see something those pieces start to fall into place. And within a matter of weeks, I had serendipitously been connected to coffee with a friend of a friend of a friend. And before I knew it, I was sitting down with a VP of innovation from aerospace.
I was stunned myself at how quickly it had all come together. But also by this point, I was far enough along in my awakening and my communications with The Chorus that I sort of just trusted it. If it was gonna work out, it was gonna work out. And if it wasn’t gonna work out, then it wasn’t meant to be.
Somehow it worked out incredibly. So suddenly, I had a part time job working on the periphery of aerospace. I loved it. I loved going to work. I loved learning about aerospace. I knew a lot about data. And I knew a lot about commercial applications for data. And so often the conversations started by sharing each other’s perspectives, where I would share all the experience that I had had, and then they would share all of their abilities, from aerospace with regard to data. It was a blast.
But as you know, from listening to this season, and all the episodes so far, I was also having a second conversation going on in my life. I was communicating with The Chorus. I was meeting different beings. And while part of me was still not convinced that it was all real, it continued to happen, it continued to be a place of refuge. And it continued to be a place that I went to, to further my understanding of my illness and the challenges and everything I was juggling at that time.
Nobody at work knew, of course, because even though we were all nerds, and aerospace junkies, and probably all eager to discover new and different things in the world and the universe, my Chorus stuff seemed a little too far out there to share with my coworkers. I was scared.
I was scared to admit that it was real to myself. So I was definitely too scared to say it out loud. Because if I did, that would really make it real. And I might not be able to back out of that. I might not be able to unsay it, or to change the impression that other people would get about me if I said it.
I liked my job. And I liked my coworkers, and I didn’t want to lose it.
The imposter syndrome was hard, as I think I’ve mentioned. That we’d have conversations about things and then every now and then a perspective that The Chorus had shared with me would pop into my head, and I would clamp down and refuse to say it.
I was always afraid of being spotted. I was always afraid of being seen. That spirituality and The Chorus were one thing, and in a very, very different camp, then aerospace, and data, and analysis. These things felt worlds apart.
Earlier on in the season, I told a story about when we took a trip. And we had an unexpected layover in an airport in a tropical location. And I had an encounter – is what I would say – with a man who, by my interpretation could somehow see what I was doing when I channeled The Chorus.
That happened while I still had this job. And though I wanted to talk about it with some of my colleagues, I didn’t know how.
Things continued with The Chorus after that interaction. I got no answers. And about a year after that encounter in the airport, is when I collapsed. And as you know, if you’ve listened to Episode 12, I had to go on medical leave. And I never got to go back.
I was pulled away from a job I loved very suddenly and very completely.
In the year that followed, as I reflected on everything, and tried to figure out why things had gone the way they had. One of the realizations that kept popping up for me was that I had felt for a long time that I was in the right place, but the wrong position. Does that make sense? Have you ever felt that way? That there was something right about my work with The Chorus and there was something right about my work with my friends, at my job, but that I wasn’t showing up in the right way. It didn’t sit right.
I was close to where I needed to be in both perspectives, but it wasn’t quite right.
So when I collapsed, and when I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t really move, couldn’t drive for those period of months, I remember sitting there, and sort of wondering if this was all just meant to be. If I should have recognized earlier, if I should have moved on sooner, if I should have quit my job, if I should have taken some sort of action to prevent this? Because I had felt something, but I never knew what to do about it. So I sort of just kept going forward, the best that I knew how, which was continuing to learn from The Chorus, and continuing to show up for work.
As I continued to heal, as you know, I continued to sort of gain a strength in everything that had happened to me. In me, and my perspective, and what I was. And that led me to this year, and writing the book and starting the podcast. And then a very similar thing happened.
I realized that the book could help people, and that I had done a lot. And that I really had a lot to say, and that, maybe it was okay to say it.
And all of those reasons that kept me so scared, and so locked down for so many years, seemed a little less reasonable.
And then, just like I found the job in aerospace, once I realized that, dominoes started falling, and things started coming into place.
And serendipitously, I found a list of book editors, some of which I hoped would be open to a channeled book, and I sent an email. And within an hour, I had a response from an editor, who turned out to be the most perfect fit for what some might consider a little bit of an unusual book.
As we began to work together, she gave me an exercise about my life, and the consistent patterns throughout my life, which she calls a through line.
And as I went through the different questions, it was hard, because I felt like I was still grieving the loss of my line. That I had gotten sick, and I gotten bumped off of it. The Chorus had showed up, and it was incredible, and hard, and I was accepting of that and allowing of that, but there was still a part of me that felt like my line had a break in it. A schism.
Then I got to the bottom of the questionnaire. And it asked a question that I’m sure many of you have heard before, and probably asked yourself, which is: what would you do if you knew you could not fail?
And I was stunned to hear the answer well up from within me, which was, I would join aerospace and spirituality.
That I truly believe that they are one thing. That they have a lot more in common than we have realized. And I cried. Which as you know, by now by listening to the episode on grief, that when we grieve like that it is the release of a belief.
It is the release of something from our belief system complex. And through the grieving process, we let it go. And we expand outward into seeing more of the Infinite and more of the connections that we had not allowed ourselves to see while we were here, for the purposes of the game.
Now, the stories I’m about to tell you next, you are not required to believe.
If you’ve listened to the episode on truth, then you know that you do not need to undo your truth because of stories that I’m about to share. And instead, I hope that what you take in your perspective from what I’m sharing, from my pile of manifestations, is that it makes things you already have suspected, things that you have already felt or intuited, even more true for you.
Within a few weeks after having recorded that podcast where I shared the experience I had had in that airport, my husband had to go to the hospital for a procedure, a fairly standard procedure, you could say.
But that morning, as we got ready to go to the hospital, I was an anxious wreck.
And you know now about anxiety, and some of the emotions that we feel, often have to do with real things that we are starting to perceive. But I didn’t quite recognize it at the time. I thought that I was actually very nervous about his procedure.
So we go to the hospital, and we walk up to the first door that we find, and that is the wrong door.
And then we keep walking around the hospital and we go to the next door that we find, and that is the wrong door.
And at this point, I’m starting to get very agitated with my husband, that he doesn’t even know which door to go into for this procedure that I’m really nervous about. I’m very type A, I would already know which door, how to get there, the name of the office people to check in with, and everything in between. But I had been trying to be a little more hands off and just supportive of him in his process.
So as we come around, finally, to the main double doors, where you’re now supposed to go in for your COVID check and everything else, I am practically jittery with anxiety. As we stand at the front desk, and he signs in with the front desk receptionist, I am practically bouncing next to him because of all the anxious energy that I am feeling.
We walk around the reception desk to go to pay and do the finance thing, and he looks at me and he says, “are you okay? You are really on edge.”
And I say, “I know, I know. I’m sorry.” You know, when someone brings your attention to it, and you’re already trying to stop it, it kind of makes it worse. I said, “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m just I guess…I guess I’m really anxious for your procedure.”
He holds my hand and reminds me it’s gonna be fine. We finished paying and then we have to wait. Well, the waiting room area behind the desk is full. Is packed. So we walk around past the front desk into sort of the main atrium of the hospital. And it’s beautiful. There’s a grand staircase that comes down from the upstairs. There’s a wall of glass two stories tall throughout this entire atrium area. And there’s chairs set in pairs along the glass wall with a little table in between maybe three sets of pairs, so six chairs in all. And as we come around the grand staircase to just wait in sort of this open area, we notice that in each of the sets of chairs, there is a person. So there is no pair of chairs that’s open.
So we sort of walk over to the far wall of the atrium where there’s a doorway to a chapel, and we just sort of stand there to hang out and wait for his procedure. As we pass by the chairs, I notice that one of the men sitting in the chairs is also very anxious or seems to be to me. He was dressed all in black. He had dark hair. And he had headphones in with wires – a wire that then connected down to what seemed like a phone or some sort of device. His elbows were on his knees and he was looking down at the floor while listening to the music and bouncing one of his knees very animatedly. And I thought, “Yeah, dude, I get it. I feel the exact same way.”
As we pass though he didn’t look up at me. He didn’t anything. He was staring down at the floor and holding his music. As we walked over to the wall, however, I noticed out of the corner of my eye behind me that he had looked up and seen Kyle and I walk over to the far wall, then looked to his left and his right at all the chairs, and sort of realize that there was no pair of chairs open, got up and moved to another pair of chairs and sat down across from another person.
Kyle hadn’t noticed. So I tugged on his sleeve and said “hey, look, there’s a pair that’s open now.” And he said “okay.” He had pulled out his phone and we’re starting to check in with his work. As we walked over to the pair of chairs, I tried to make eye contact with the nervous man to thank him for getting up and moving but he didn’t look up and he never looked at me.
So we sat down in the pair of chairs. And now I am sitting across I guess you could say from the man that moved. The Man in Black, I’ll call him. So Kyle is sitting to my right and beyond Kyle is the man in black now sitting at this other pair of chairs.
And as I’m sitting there, and you know, Kyle’s sort of bent over looking at his phone and checking in with his work, I’m not sure what to do with myself. I’m still so anxious. And now we’re just sitting here waiting for the procedure. And there’s just so much that seems to be churning.
But by this point, I still was able to have those moments every now and then where I could come down out of my churning mind and sort of come in to the present.
And as I eased into that place, I reached for The Chorus, just to check in.
And as usual, you know, they showed up with, “Hi! So happy to be with you again!” You know, “we’re always with you!” That kind of thing. I was so happy to feel their love. And I said, “is there anything I can do to help him?” Meaning Kyle.
And they said, “Yes, of course. Of course you can.”
And I don’t know if that was the permission that I needed, or the validation. But I focused instantly, on a light inside of me.
And I let it grow and grow and grow until it encompassed Kyle as well.
And I focused on sending him as much healing, as much light, as much of everything from The Chorus I could possibly muster. And as I was sitting there, it felt so right, so incredible, so aligned, that I asked The Chorus, “can I help all of them?”
And The Chorus said, “Yes.”
And so without even hesitating, I went nuclear.
I made that ball of light as big as I could possibly make it. I threw it out of me in all directions. It grew until it encompassed the entire room, all of the levels ,until it reached to the entire hospital. I just let it pour out of me. All of it.
And it was right around this time when I reached the level of the hospital, that for some reason, I looked out of the corner of my eye at the man in black.
And now he was no longer looking down on the floor with his elbows on his knees agitatedly bouncing his legs. He was sitting straight up, straight as a rail, and looking directly at me and the space around me, as if in total shock.
Nobody else in the room was looking. Nobody else in the room had changed anything.
But as soon as I saw that he could see what I had been focused on with The Chorus, I dropped my gaze to the floor and pull down all the light.
Right at that minute, a nurse came out and called Kyle’s name. And without taking a single backward glance, because I was too terrified, we walked down the hall into his procedure room, and got him ready for his procedure.
About 15 minutes later, I was excused to go back out to the waiting room while Kyle had his procedure. And so I hesitantly walked back out to the main atrium of the hospital to wait.
And when I rounded the corner, I was both relieved and I guess a little surprised to see that the entire atrium was empty. How busy it had been before, all the people were taken up the chairs, everybody was gone. Except for the receptionist.
I sort of breathed a sigh of relief and crossed the giant atrium, and kind of as a human would do, walked back towards the chair that I had been sitting in before.
And when I got there on the chair that I had been sitting in, was sitting a copy of the Holy Bible.
I was so startled. I sat down next to it , in what had been Kyle’s chair and just stared at it. And I don’t know why I knew this, but I was so convinced that it was a message somehow, that I opened the cover and even flipped through a few pages expecting to see like a note fall out.
It was later that evening or even a couple days later that I was finally able to reflect on this. And I tuned into The Chorus. And I said, “he’s one of them.”
Now, when I said this, I didn’t know what “them” meant. But it it seemed like the right identification. It seemed like something I knew, somewhere inside of me.
And The Chorus said, “Yes.”
And then like a flash, that memory of that other encounter in that airport came back to me.
And I said, “they’re the same, aren’t they? They’re, they’re similar? They’re related?”
And The Chorus said, “Yes.”
Now, you know by now that there are a lot of questions I probably could have asked in that moment, but also, sometimes the questions don’t come up until you’re sort of in that energetic place of the answer.
And so that was as much as I could take in that moment. That was as much as my belief systems would allow. And I left it alone.
This year continued to pass, and I continued to record episodes. And with each episode, I kind of recognized more and more what my journey had been. The things that I did know, that I was starting to recognize at the time, and then saying it out loud, to you all, helped me to really see that – Yeah, these were the things that somehow I always knew, and saying it out loud, finally getting to a place of being able to speak about it, to be seen, helped me to realize that often what I had suspected early on had an element of truth.
This gave me courage.
I don’t know. This helped me to trust more and more over the course of this season, things that I was sensing. Things that I somehow knew, things that I somehow intuited. Those all seemed less and less questionable.
Before I had so many beliefs that would jump up and tell me that I was crazy, or that I was going to risk everything by saying it out loud, or those people were gonna reject me. All those beliefs were just quieting.
And it seemed more and more reasonable that maybe we all do know things.
So then in September, we took a trip. And now I had had these two encounters that felt so similar, they had a very similar quality to them. And I guess I suppose they were in the back of my mind as we boarded the plane that day to go to San Diego.
When we land, we were all very hungry, and we had planned to get the rental car and sort of go to the closest burrito place that we could find. And so I looked up on my phone, the closest one on the way to where we were going and I entered it into my maps and we sort of just let it guide us there. Well, it took us in the wrong direction.
Or did it?
And so we ended up in a place that we did not want to go and I said, “it’s okay, let me look up another one, there’s bound to be one nearby.” And sure enough, about a mile away from where we had been mistakenly taken was a different burrito shop.
As we walk in, I feel not anxious, not like I usually do. But very alert. Very present very much in the present moment, as though I am expecting something to happen, as a feeling that something’s going to happen right then. And I’m not afraid of it like I had been before. I’m not feeling all those emotions and that anxiety. It’s just, it’s just known. I just knew it.
So we walk into the burrito shop and there’s a line. And I get into the back of the line behind my husband as I’m sort of trying to see the menu board. And my son hops onto one of the stools behind me and is spinning around and says, “Mom, look, it spins!” And ice kind of say, ” Uh huh, I see honey,” as I’m trying to read the menu board.
And then a man walks in behind me and passes by my son and says something to me which to be honest, I can’t quite remember what it was because I was so distracted by something else.
He said something to the effect of, “Oh, do you want you know your son in line behind you?” Or, you know, “do you want him to be in front of me?” Something like that. Something very casual.
And as I turned and I looked at him, I knew in that instant, he was one of them.
And not only that, but I was so calm, I was so present in my knowing that I was able to simultaneously answer him and say, “nah, he’s fine.” As well as connect to The Chorus and say, “he’s one of them, isn’t he?”
And hear The Chorus’s answer when they said, “Yes.”
And then, to my surprise, he looked surprised.
And I knew that he knew that I saw him.
What are they?
I can tell you my guess. Because I’ve had a few conversations with them since, now that I see them. Now that they know that they are seen.
But you probably already have a guess, don’t you?
You probably already have a feeling, deep inside of you that knows, that maybe has always known through all of these episodes, what I’ve been talking about.
It’s the same knowing that’s growing for each of us, day by day, as we awaken to these beliefs, and what we created, as we see more of ourselves. Until finally, you’ll be able to have a casual encounter at an airport, or a hospital, or a burrito place where your first impressions of another are no longer blinded by judgments. Where you might see more of what you’re looking at, because you’re able to feel it, too.
But I have a question for you.
Do you think I could have seen them if I hadn’t already moved through all of my own beliefs about being seen? If I hadn’t walked through so much of the things that kept me hidden and closeted, and turning away? Do you think I would be able to catch a glimpse of new and different things that are around me without first accepting those things about myself?
I don’t know.
The same could be true about how we feel about each other.
Are we comfortable with others expressing themselves around us? Do we feel safe in the presence of different perspectives? Are we open to all the different things that people are and represent?
Maybe not yet.
But I do believe that we’re getting there.
What is that sensation? What do humans call that? What do we call that? When you can be around people who are very different, or very opinionated, or very eccentric, or very grouchy, and somehow you still find ways to love them.
Usually that’s what we call family.
A love, a bond, an allowance of everything that they are, whether they’re grouchy when they first wake up in the morning, or anxious before a procedure or confused and putting in the wrong burrito place in maps…when we see more of what they are beyond those singular instances that represents to us a bond. A friendship, a relationship, a camaraderie. A family.
I remember when I used to feel fear at the thought of meeting a different being, whether it be an angel, or an alien, or a nature spirit, I was terrified by the prospect.
And over time and through my experiences with The Chorus, and through my own process, that has transformed into a curiosity. And even beyond that, potentially a similarity, a comparison, where there are aspects of them that I potentially even understand because I have experienced a version of that myself.
And so when your first impressions, move beyond the judgments, the opinions, the fears that are activating inside of you, when you can see more of what you’re looking at, because you can feel it too, you might find that you’re looking at an extraordinary being.
But you also might discover that they can see you too
because they love you
Thank you so much for joining us this season. We hope you found these messages to be helpful. May they accelerate you on your path wherever you’d like it to go. To stay in touch between now and next season, sign up for our newsletter at www.katieandthechorus.com or subscribe to your favorite podcast provider. Thanks again. See you next time.
Music from Artlist
Show Intro: Floating Point by Roie Shpigler
Chorus Transition In: Present Moment by Borrtex
Chorus Transition Out: December by ANBR
Outro: Fortitude by Lance Conrad